Get rich quicker! Stauer's sweetest investment deal ever!

People I know who work on Wall Street love the rollercoaster ride. But that last financial meltdown was enough to rattle everyone. Everyone except my old buddy, Charles. He lost tons of clients and money, but never lost his cool. When I asked for his secret, he told me that he "always kept a little something socked away for a rainy day."

I wasn't sure if that meant he stuffed his mattress or juggled a handful of offshore accounts. But last month I dropped by his office to find out. That’s when he revealed his secret "vault," a desk drawer full of gourmet chocolates.

Charles handed me a chocolate coin with a bite taken out of it. "Government already took their share, the rest is all yours," he said. "Nothing goes better with bad news than dark chocolate." After one bite, I was hooked. So rich, so satisfying. Talk about a return on your investment! Now you can sample your own piece of the sweet life with the ridiculously indulgent Financial Crunch™ Stimulus Package.

Inside you'll find one tin of Financial Crunch™, containing 11 milk chocolate crunch coins (each with the signature "Tax Bite") and one creamy milk chocolate Nest Egg™ (with 11 dark chocolate crunch coins inside). The oversized egg rests in a nest of genuine shredded bills! Also inside: one chest of Short Change™ (with 11 newly-minted dark chocolate crunch coins) and one Credit Sweet™, a bullion bar of decadent dark chocolate.

If you'd rather keep it simple, choose our elegant six-pack of Credit Sweet™ ingots, packed in a luxurious gold bar box. Either combination makes the perfect gift for someone who would appreciate an infusion of confectionary currency. Instead of waiting around for the Fed to get it together, isn't it time we all did our own part to sweeten up a sour economy?